Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
