I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We need to get me chipped asap
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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