i already hear my dad disowning me
You can't special order awesome
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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