he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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