He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
