I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
