No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
