there was a trapeze. enough said
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This baby is an asshole
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So much Jack, so little girl.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
