If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
