she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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