You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
