i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
