He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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