I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
