I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
