All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
