I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
