I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
