Please, let me fuck your mom
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
