Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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