ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
