Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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