I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
