He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
