it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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