is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
