Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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