i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
