In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
