You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You are a genius and a whore.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
