READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He shit in the fireplace
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
