My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
