I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
