Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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