oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
