Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
