i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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