i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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