Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
