please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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