so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had to cum in my sink.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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