Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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