I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
