I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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