Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
