Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
