Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
