I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
