people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
