yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
