Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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