i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
