Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Damn victory sex feels great
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
