a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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