you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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