I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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