dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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