belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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