This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
